You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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