You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
