You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
