i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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