she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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