Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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