just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
