Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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