My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
