You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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