So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
