i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
