My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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