that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
bring money and cleavage
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
