I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
