Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize