Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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