I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
