You're my little dorito
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
