Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
