that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
