i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
