the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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