literally had 100 drinks last night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
