You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
