I think i peed on brittanys purse
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize