Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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