is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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