If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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