i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
