woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Randomize