I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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