Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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