I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
