Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
