he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
God, I missed his penis.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
