I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's never too late to be topless.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
