just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize