Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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