While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
