you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
