also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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