My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
