Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
