So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
