Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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