he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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