thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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