I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
