You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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