Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize