So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
