Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize