His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
