Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
