Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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