when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
