i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
