i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
