So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
