the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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