so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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