Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
